Rob and I went to Pei Wei tonight; this was my fortune: Whether you choose love or fame, you'll be able to handle either or both.
Hmmm, since that fame thing (which I would think would be accompanied by fortune) isn't working out for me, I'll take the love. And I think Rob and I are handling the love spectacularly!
So, I have recently discovered something about myself - I don't do pregnancy well! I know I will be able to hear the laughter a mile away from my friends and family that have had to deal with me for the last sixteen weeks when they read this. More than that, I will hear them saying, "well no crap, Jennifer." And all I can say is I'm sorry but I at least hope I have brought you some giggles here and there.
Actually, I am quite ticked with the people in my life who didn't tell me pregnancy would be this way. On the contrary, before I got pregnant everyone told me pregnant life is great and you feel like Mother Earth because you are bringing a new life into the world and what greater use for a body? Right? Well, I get the whole point of feeling very impowered about bringing a child into the world, but I don't feel that impowerment when I am hunched over a toilet and clutching to it like it is my lifeline (not to mention that I am probably giving it my lunch which most likely I just spent at least ten dollars on because nothing in the house sounds good, this just makes me sad.) No one told me about the all day sickness, the headaches, the constipation (sorry), the CONSTANT lack of energy (bless those women who already have at least one child while they are pregnant) and all the other little joys of pregnancy. I think this is a mass conspiracy by all the women who have had children already. I know they are thinking, "hehehehehehehehe, she fell for it!"
Something I refuse to fall for is my doctor's desire that I try to go for at least 3 to 5 days without zofran. 3 to 5 days my backside! I have successfully been able to get through 48 hours without having to take zofran but that's usually where it ends. I feel like I am an addict now,,,, "GIVE ME MY ZOFRAN!!!" My head also usually starts to spin around and around at this point! Believe me, I can't wait to be off this stuff but right now these beautiful little pills of goodness are the only way I can get relief (not to mention they also give my family relief from having to hear about how miserable I am!)
So yes, I don't do pregnancy well. The thing I do seem to do well though is have a positive outlook (although you wouldn't know by this post.) I know that this will be the best thing I have ever done and that in six months all of these symptoms of pregnancy will most likely disappear from my memory at the sight of my child. And then I will say, "God, it was soooo worth it!" After that I will then start telling women they need to get pregnant because it is the best thing ever, which afterwards I will cackle, "hehehehehehe, she fell for it!"
Thoughts and things that make me happy:
* The knowledge I am IN LOVE with my handsome, smart and entirely too literal husband. Him being literal is both frustrating and wonderfully sexy at the same time. These are my favorite wedding pictures of us. 
* The thought that in six months there will be another tiny human being on this planet whom my handsome, smart and entirely too literal husband will be in love with more than me, and that's okay.
* Remembering my mother's and my joy from this last weekend when we found out World Market had opened a store in Park City. If we could have turned cartwheels we would have (we didn't since I am pregnant and honestly can't get up the energy to turn a cartwheel and I really don't know if mom can turn a cartwheel but I wasn't about to make her try.) Now if Utah would only change their liquor laws so that World Market can bring in the "wines of the world" section; then my life would be complete.
* Zofran,,, enough said.
* When my puppy Laila follows a command,,, Oh the joy! But she's so freaking cute it really doesn't matter when she doesn't (which is 99.9 percent of the time.) Now it's time to think, "does a dog get cuter than that?" Well,,, No.
* US Weekly. I know, it's total trash but I LOVE IT! (Thank you, Diane for subscribing to it so that I don't have to be seen in public buying it.)
* Finally, my house in Texas is FINALLY going to be finished this week with the fix-up from the water damage. We get to put it back up on the market to sell and maybe, one day, we will own a home in the Salt Lake Valley again. The thought that my child may have a nursery is more than I can bear.
Thought that doesn't make me happy:
* I have to be to the DMV in an hour with all the other early risers so that I can sit there for hours on end waiting to get my car registered.
Methinks Me Sad.
I was given a bit of advice last week that I have decided is some of the best advice I have received in quite a while. "Go with anything white!" I have been dealing with Hyperemesis Gravidarum which in layman's terms is - I can't seem to keep anything down and in my stomach because of pregnancy. With the help of the wonder drug Zofran I have actually been able to get some relief and can somewhat enjoy a meal. My friend, Susannah and I were having lunch last week and she has been regaling me with stories from her sister who has also experienced this phenomenon of pregancy with all four of her children (sidenote, I am seriously considering only having one child now.) Well, the big piece of advice she gave me last week was to eat anything white. In our regular day to day lives we all know this would be the worst thing you could do for your health, but when you are pregnant it seems you just go with anything that stays down. I have been living wonderfully since this rule was spoken to me. I get to eat potatoes, white bread (oh the horror since I am a wheat girl,) pasta, sugar and anything else that is thoroughly bad for me. I LOVE IT! It really is a good rule. Fortunately, I don't eat too large of portions since my stomach has shrunk to the size of an egg due to not wanting to eat anything for 10 weeks. I am trying to eat well and be good some of the time as I know I will have to go back to a healthy diet after I give birth, but for now, bring on the white stuff!
Oh, if only this rule was as good with clothing! In that area I say, go with anything black, it makes me look thinner.
Today, one of my best friends passed away from ovarian cancer. Lori struggled with this disease many times in the last ten years, since she was the young age of 21. She, at one time, was cancer free for five years but the disease just seemed to find her over and over again. I have questioned many things since I found out about her passing, but I somehow have never questioned my faith. I don't really want to figure out why she was taken at such a young age or why the one person I knew who was ALWAYS positive is no longer here to remind me to live my life to the fullest everyday. I am just so happy I was able to be in her presence for seven years, and to know that those seven years and the memories that go along with them are by far the best years of my life. Lori knew how to live, and I am so blessed that she was able to teach me about the greater joys of life. I changed immeasurably during the time I knew Lori, I learned how to relax a little more and not be so concerned with what is going to happen next week because I needed to completely enjoy today. There will never be enough things I can say about my friend to truly show you how much she changed me and how important she was in my life, but the one thing I can remind you of is to be happy, and live your life to the fullest. And one last thought,,, laugh, laugh until you can't anymore because that is what we always did, I can't remember a time we weren't laughing. This is what she would want and that's what I am going to try to do, it's the only way I know how to honor her.
I will admit it, I am a girlie-girl. I love everything about being a girl; the clothes, makeup, wanting to play dress-up and even the fight to prove we are smart and can be independent and successful. One of the other things I like about being a girl is the bonding that goes along with having girlfriends. Today was a great day for reaffirming my girlie-girlness. I had the chance to get together with Michelle and Christine, two of my dear friends, in the morning while getting my hair highlighted and it was just so thoroughly enjoyable. It sounds very "Steel Magnolias" of us, but there is just something that happens in a hair salon that gets women talking. The funny thing is I have noticed how conversation has changed over the years from dating, concerts and work problems to marriage, kids and maintaining sanity. It's very interesting the evolution of our conversation and proof that everyone, at one time or another, grows up.
I then went to meet with my friend, Susannah and her son Max, for lunch. Susannah and I met when we were freshmen in high school and have somehow managed to stay in touch over the years. To say she is a connection to my childhood is an understatement; she is connected to many of my memories from high school. Now that she is back from England, where she and her husband were stationed, we have begun a weekly lunch every Wednesday and it is definitely a highlight in my week. Our conversation never seems to stall and seeing her with her son and getting excellent advice from her on child rearing is wonderful. I will definitely be sad to see her go to New Mexico as I have enjoyed this renewed friendship very much!
I am also looking forward to all my friends I plan on seeing later in the week. I have weekly hummus dates with my friend Sonja and this weekend Janet will most likely be coming to visit as well. How did I get so lucky to have so many true friends? It's a mystery to me, but one I am very happy about!
So, as you see, my girfriends really make a huge impact in my life. I love that no matter what I say or do, one of them is always at least a phone call away and will most likely be able to talk me through anything I am going through at the moment. They are priceless, and I am blessed.
As I tiptoe lightly into the world of blog I am reminded a bit of how scary the process is. It’s not that I don’t like the idea of putting my thoughts down in writing, but it all seems very permanent. You see, I am a person who sees myself as “gray.” Let me explain a little more thoroughly. I tend to think there are two types of people, “black/white” and “gray.” I just happened to marry someone who is black/white and we have many conversations regarding this, as we don’t tend to completely see eye to eye on some things. Black/white people are people who are extremely set in their thoughts, they see right and wrong and it is very easy to make decisions because there are usually only two ways of seeing them, either you agree or disagree. I sometimes wish I was like this because I seem to view a lot of gray matter. Yes, there are some things I am very adamant about and will probably never change my views on, but then there are the things where I feel I am still exploring and can’t completely figure out. I’m gray, I don’t feel the line needs to be a hard and straight one; it can have a little curve in it if it needs to. Hence, the title of today’s blog. I am very happy in my gray world and putting pen to paper and letting all see my thoughts seems very black/white. I feel the need to put a warning out there that my thoughts may change. Especially with the fact that my life is going to change immeasurably within the next seven months, due to the birth of my first child. You can’t say you haven’t been warned.
The main title of my blog is much easier to explain. My favorite quote is, “Integrity is who you are when no one else is watching.” I find it to be very honest and something I strive to live my life by everyday. It also seems to fit right in with my idea of blogging as no one knows what I will type until I do so. I can’t see visual or verbal reactions, so I am really putting a thought out there without knowing how people will view it. It’s truly who I am,,, when no one else is watching.
Colbie Caillat: Coco
I just purchased this CD after it was reviewed on a local radio station the other day. Easily, one of the best CDs I have purchased in a long time.
