... When No One Else is Watching

Happy Girl

"The sweetest thing that you'll ever see, in the whole wide world, is a happy girl!"

The Hairspray Incident of 1990

Due to popular demand, and to get back for some of the torture dealt to me by my sister when I was younger, I present to you the famous 'Hairspray Incident of 1990.' Before I begin the telling of this story I should preface it with the fact that I'm sure I did something to provoke this but I'm not sure what and now that I am removed from it 16 years I think it is hilarious - not so funny at the time!

In 1990, Diane graduated from high school and was preparing to go off to Utah State University in Logan, UT. I'm sure she was excited but since this was her first time living away from home she was also a bit petrified. Remember, she would have to cook and clean up after herself - the horror! In early September the time had come to head off to university and she started to pack all of her belongings to put into her dorm room - which she ended up sharing with five girls from the Utah State gymnastics team, can you imagine the body issues going on in that joint? Obviously, the prospect of living with five women who were all under the height of five foot two with a combined body fat percentage of three stressed her out because suddenly my belongings were also going into her boxes. I let her know I wasn't too thrilled about this and was usually awarded with a "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" in return. Being only 14 at the time, I truly thought she was losing her mind and figured it was okay if she took some of my stuff because hey! I'm getting rid of the looney girl who lives in the basement with me!

Well, it finally got to be a bit much for me when I walked into my room and she was taking stuff off of my bookshelves. I didn't remember telling her to come into my room and pilfer my belongings so I was a bit confused, to say the least. I politely asked her, "why are you taking stuff from my room?" Because of the stressed out state she was in she didn't even bother to answer me,,, just kept on taking stuff off the shelves. I decided approaching the crazy being in my bedroom was a good decision (bad decision) but that turned out to be the worst move I could have made. She started yelling at me, telling me how stressed out she was and that I should leave her alone! "But you're taking my things out of my room and you're going to take them to Logan and that's three hours away and that's not fair!" I said (or yelled - you decipher.) She then yelled at me to leave! "But it's my room!!!!!" I said. At that point she started to freak out even more and I made the decision to move away a bit (good decision,) I was standing by my bedroom window and this is probably a good time to tell you that we lived in a split level house, so when you looked out my window you were even with the grass. Diane obviously felt she had reached her limit so she did the only thing an unrational human being would do, she turned around and reached for the closest thing to throw at my head. The closest thing turned out to be a full 33% MORE  FREE! can of Aqua Net Hairspray. She spun around with said can of hairspray and launched that thing at my head like she was a major league pitcher! I, being of sound mind, hit the deck so that I was flat stomached against the floor. With my head out of the way the only place for the can of hairspray to go was through the glass window. Yep,,, she broke the window with a can of Aqua Net! But more importantly, she tried to break my head with the can of Aqua Net!!! I was still on the ground when my mother came over to the window, she had been sitting outside enjoying a Diet Coke when her tranquility had been disturbed by the hairspray shooting out the glass window. And do you know what she did?!?!?!?!?!?! Do you???? If you think she got mad at Diane, you would be wrong! She came over and said, "everyone okay in there?" The only thing I got out of my mouth was, "ghahaklerhkjelw" and Diane stood by the bookshelves just staring out the window, glassy eyed. At that point, figuring those responses were good enough for her, she said, "yeah, I'm going to go call the insurance company." And then Diane left my room,,, without one thing of mine. Couldn't she have just left that way without throwing a can of hairspray at my head? Well, no, because then I wouldn't be able to tell you this story and laugh at the memory of it.

I have asked my mom repeatedly over the years why she never got angry with Diane that day and she said there really was no reason to,,, "because I'm sure you provoked her in some manner, and then I should get mad at both of you, but that wouldn't do any good,,,, I still had a broken window I had to get fixed." But now you all know the truth, I didn't provoke her,,, I would NEVER do anything of the sort! Right?

My Sister, My Friend

Being raised in Utah, it was definitely not the norm to be one of two children. Whenever someone would ask me about my family and I would state that I had a sister, they would then say, "and?" And I would say,,, "yep, that's about it." You see, usually when  I would ask them about their family they would have to list seven or eight names,,, only having one sibling is very taboo in Utah! I would always see two very different feelings when I told people of my one sibling family, either they felt really bad for me because they obviously felt I was being robbed of playmates, or they were completely jealous and wanted to come live with me to get away from their house full of hooligans!

Personally, I agree with the people who wanted to come live with me. Maybe it's because I have never known what it was like to have a huge amount of siblings but I rather like the small family aspect. I like that my sister, even though there is a four year age gap, has turned out to be my best friend. Sure there were times when I was younger when my sister didn't want me to be within 25 feet of her and her friends during her sleepovers but then there were also the times where she would let me come stay with her at her apartment when I was in high school and we would go moonlight bowling and stay out until 2am,,, it all equals out. I feel that my sister and I have such a strong relationship because we were the only children, we've never had the opportunity to pick and choose which sibling to hang out with or have felt left out because the other sisters and brothers were ganging up on us. I probably have a very limited view of things because this is the only family aspect I know but it's also nice that I don't have the desire to find out the other way of things.

Anyone who has met my sister, Diane, will tell you that I lucked out in the sister department. Not only is she the calm one in all situations she is also one of the funniest people I know. I am always a bit happier when I know I get to spend time with her because for one thing she's a busy girl and doesn't have a lot of time, but I know a good time will always be had. She's also the world's greatest aunt! She will literally call just to hear Avery breathe into the phone, and she gets such a kick out of it. Not to mention she loves to hang out with her and I am sure many Aunt and Niece tea parties will be in Avery's future.

I am probably painting a nice, rosy picture of our sisterhood but believe me, there have been times when we've wanted to tear the other's hair out (and have tried.) If you asked my mom about how we were when we were younger she would have loads of stories to tell you about us yelling and biting and chasing eachother around the house with butter knives,,, but come one,,, that's the fun stuff! She would also have lots of boring stuff to tell you as well, like the sleep outs we would have in our backyard, swimming in Grandma and Grandpa's pool, shopping for really tacky Christmas gifts for our mom and loads and loads of giggles because we found something outrageously funny.

I have been blessed to have such a wonderful life and a wonderful childhood but I have been even more blessed to be able to go through it with such an amazing sister. I can only hope that my own daughter will be blessed enough to have the same kind of relationship with her future brother or sister (or both,,, and that is only dependent on if I have twins the next go-round.)

Insert Jaws Theme Now

So, today I had the enjoyable task of taking my beautiful little girl for her six month well-check. For the most part the appointment isn't a bad thing,,, that is until we get to the end and they jab gigantic needles into her leg. I was really ticked that her appointment was for today because as many mothers of six month olds can tell you, when you have a child who is teething and in a good mood, you don't want to do anything to wreck it! And "the girl," yeah, she was in a GREAT mood! Here is a picture to illustrate how happy she was!

We won't show you a picture of what it was like after her doctor's appointment because it would just be bad. Imagine yourself on your worst day,,, after having a root canal,,, with no anesthesia,,, that's how bad it was. She was not a happy camper and her mother is now drinking a bottle of wine to help get over the pain she inflicted on her daughter. This was much easier when she was only a couple of months old and all she wanted to do was sleep and eat and poop and a couple of shots didn't affect her because she wasn't completely aware of pain yet. I can't think about it anymore,,, I need to finish my wine.